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One moment please, we are getting new information. Oh my god, really? That cannot be true... It is? Oh dear... *Ehem* I beg your pardon, I was just too shocked by this novelty.
The situation has dramatically changed. We have received breaking news from Miami that overshadow the previous announcements. An official from a popular zoo has confirmed the death of Maude, an Asian elefant, at the age of 41 years.
Please click on the play button to hear the song playing in the
background from now on. Continue reading as you listen to the song.
As a result of the necropsy, the forensics department of the Miami Dade Police states severe constipation as the alleged cause of death. The zoo's communications director, Ron Magill, is shocked:
'I cannot believe our beloved Maude is gone. It was so surprising. Now that I think about it, he was actually behaving strangely last week. He stopped eating and consequently he had no bowel movements anymore. But I think it was just love. You have to know, Maude was brought to our zoo to be the companion of one of our female elephants. They matched perfectly. It's so tragic that their love wasn't meant to last long. But I guess the best love stories aren't meant to go on for a long time... Obviously, I matched Maude's odd behavior and his strong feelings. Here is an image I took during one of our examination sessions:
Elephants don't have butterflies in their stomach but on their ears The people from the forensics told me that Maude's suspicious conduct was probably a product of a heavy constipation. But I know that Maude died from heart problems. And I don't mean a heart stroke or something like that, no. His heart was broken. 10 days ago I witnessed a critical situation and I think Maude got wind of it. His mistress was found to be having intimate contact with Will, one of our Afroamerican elephants:' (by clicking on the Show/Hide button you confirm that you're over 18 years old and you accept the Terms of Use of this news report)
Magill continues:
'I can perfectly imagine how Maude must have felt:
"What does an Afroamerican have that an Asian like me doesn't? What's the huge difference between us? What is it that fills the gap between my darling and me?"
Poor Maude. I think he deserves a minute of silence.'
Our holy saviour, Mr. President Sir Barack Obama has already given an official statement declaring today's date, the 29th of November, as the new International Day of the Elephant.
We are getting more information...
As a reaction to the sudden death of Maude, Putin has just called a truce as a tribute to our beloved Maude, promising not to release his nuclear rockets until past 12PM.
Please stay tuned for further reports about the appalling event in Miami."
PS: I'd like to spotlight the following points:
1. If you're shattered by this post and you're about to report my blog due to sexual content, I should point to the fact that this is part of the stress therapy my psychologist recommended.
2. Please type "Fox News" into the Google Image Search. I didn't know that Americans can be that satirical as well.
3. Three words or terms I've learned thanks to this superimportant news:
bowel movement
1. If you're shattered by this post and you're about to report my blog due to sexual content, I should point to the fact that this is part of the stress therapy my psychologist recommended.
2. Please type "Fox News" into the Google Image Search. I didn't know that Americans can be that satirical as well.
3. Three words or terms I've learned thanks to this superimportant news:
bowel movement
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